By: M. Daniels, Co-Founder of Dapper Dads Magazine
Daniels and Williams are very passionate about the roles of men as husbands, fathers and people of influence across multimedia platforms. Dapper Dads is set to launch its website in May 2014, followed by the inaugural print issue in June around Father’s Day 2014.
I know that I am the first example of what a man is, and I hope that I have made you proud along the way. I am writing this letter to you in what is now the past, in preparation for the future. By this time your days of being a princess are far behind you and you are now a queen in your own right. I hope to have shown you love, respect, and chivalry; the basic standards any man should have for themselves and you. Do understand that these things were not done to flatter you as my child, but for you to know that love truly comes in these forms, and that anything extra is just an added bonus. My dear daughter, I hope this has reached you before falling in love, as there are things that I did not tell you as a child because truthfully speaking, there are harsh realities about this thing called love that would have been too hard to comprehend at such an early age. These lessons, these jewels that I am about to drop on you are learned from experience; through my own heartbreaks and through realizing that I too, have broken many hearts. This is the truth according to daddy, the lessons my father didn’t teach me because he wasn’t around, but I am fortunate enough to have learned from the past and pass these lessons on to you. Take heed and understand that ultimately life is a series of choices, love being the riskiest of them all.
Lesson 1: You Will Fall in Love
Love will enter your life from the most unexpected place, and truth be told, you’re never really prepared for it. It is the most valued of all emotions, but it can also be the most dangerous. Love will lift you up to the highest of highs and if not reciprocated and understood, can bring you down to the lowest of lows. Love comes in one true form but has many jealous admirers who’s envy and desire to be love causes them to emulate it but never truly take on its form. This can be in the form of sex, riches, charm, and a slick tongue. These imposters will address the superficial and egotistical needs that we all possess, but in reality, true love will wait until you are ready, will not try to buy you, will not deceive you with insincere actions, and will not lie to you. You will fall in love, and if you understand what I’m saying to you, then you will know that this love will be a balanced choice of heart and mind. So choose your mate wisely, learn about them, make sure the feelings are reciprocated, see past the façade, and understand the core of which they are, THEN, decide whether or not you give them your love.
Lesson 2: Know Your Destination
I will never ask you not to have standards or expectations. I know I did not raise you to settle and I believe that whatever you desire for yourself can be had once it is put into the universe through words and actions. However, please realize that a blessing can come in many forms and whether it be a man with degrees, affluence and money, or the day laborer who goes to school at night to better himself; you should always meet people where they are at in order to understand where they are going. By doing this you will be able to discern whether or not those paths you are traveling were meant to connect and join into one, or if the companionship is for the moment. It’s okay to date, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having options, but be sure that those options do not get the goods that your true love deserves. Be sparing with your time, your body, and protect your heart. That doesn’t mean be cold and elusive; it just means to be caring with good foresight. Be prepared to work with that person, no perfect relationship exists, and no one comes ready-made. With time and patience your relationship can grow so long as your mate shares the same ideals towards the relationship as you do. If it is broke and worth fixing, then fix it. If you find yourself fighting for love alone, then love has already left. Know where you’re heading, and be prepared to meet who you are heading there with at the right time which is whatever time you mutually agree on.
Lesson 3: You Will Get Hurt
This is the most important and toughest lesson of them all. As well as I have tried to prepare you, some people are just really good at living a lie. This will cause you to be vulnerable, living in a state of euphoria, unsuspecting of the pain to come. Getting hurt is inevitable and I want you to know that when it happens, don’t blame yourself, don’t even blame the other person; but live the experience, go through the emotions, cry if you have to, but most importantly, keep moving forward. I ask that you forgive whoever hurts you not for their benefit, but for your own strength and growth. Love won’t take advantage of you, love cannot be bought, and it cannot be put in the spotlight as a trophy piece. Love is something very intimate and is a shared connection, a transfer of energy between two willing opposites. So expect that not everyone is in your favor, expect that if you have something good that others may try to destroy it, this is all a part of that hurt you will feel. Just know that if you continue to wake up each day, that eventually the hurt will subside and life will go on. Do not let it taint you or ruin you for the more deserving person. Learn from it, do not judge an entire species off of one person’s mistakes, and do not let it defeat you.
My love, if you consider what I am telling you, then you will be more equipped to see true love, meet it in the time and space that it was meant to happen, and see what is real and what is just smoke and mirrors. If you end up on the wrong side of it, learn how to develop the resiliency needed to move on from it in a healthy way. There is much more for you to learn, but I did not want to rob you of your own experiences that will cause you to one day write your own letter to your child. Know that my love, and love itself is timeless. It does not disappear, it just moves in time waiting to meet you in different stages. Once you have true love, it won’t leave you if you treat it right. Honor it, respect it, never judge it, never compare it to anyone else’s, but develop something that is tailor-made just for you.
With all the love in my heart,
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