Online Dating and Coping with Crack: Part 2


Ahhh yes. Don’t we all have that story of the time that one guy told us how he did crack off of toilet seats in the public bathrooms of New York City? (Can you even smoke crack off of a toilet seat? I’m pretty sure you smoke crack, and snort coke, but that’s beside the point.) Well, even if you don’t have a crack story of your own, I’m sure we can all relate to that god-awful experience where your date is completely unaware of how socially inappropriate he or she is. Even if your date thinks that crack is an acceptable topic, I think the lesson to be learned here is to READ YOUR DATE and ASSESS the situation. If the girl seems disgusted, she probably is.

Let’s go back to the beginning.

After much reluctance, I finally convinced my girl, “A” to try Jdate for the second time. Her subscription was almost done and she had only gone out on one other failed date. She wanted to feel like this time her subscription was at least mildly worth it. “A” had been talking to other people, but nothing was panning out. So when one last guy contacted her close to the service expiration date, she decided to go for it. The only information she knew about him was his phone number and where they would meet. She was inspired by our girl, Tina Fey, and told herself, “Fun is on the other side of yes.” It would be a complete blind date. And she went for it.

“A” had briefly looked at his profile picture, but could already detect the overwhelming awkward aura in his picture. When she arrived at their meeting spot, at first glance, she knew the date was doomed. Still hungover from the night before, he offered to get her a drink. Feeling obligated, she ordered a vodka cranberry. When he came back from the bar, he had one for her but also ordered the same thing for himself! Where’s the creativity? At least order a whiskey or something. (Ok maybe that part is a little harsh.) From the beginning, the pacing of the entire date was uncomfortable.

His demeanor was awkward, yet still emanated douchery. He discussed his job in finance and “A” ATTEMPTED to explain how she worked for the local news. He then brought up how he frequented La Jolla and mentioned how Mitt Romney lives there. He suddenly stopped himself and stated, ” I don’t believe in talking about politics on a first date.” However, his inquiries about where she liked to party continued. She was unimpressed.

Finally, they discussed where their families were from. He explained how he grew up in New York. “Really though, where do you like to party?” Ridiculous. He elaborated about his east coast life,  “When we were 14, we would pay security guards to let us into bars and clubs, and we would drink and do crack on toilet seats.”

So this guy has the social restraint to not talk about politics on a first date, but has no qualms about detailing his narcotic use on the same toilet seats I force myself to squat over, out of fear of absorbing an STD from the seat?!?!

While “A” kept reiterating that partying and raves were not her scene, she attempted to wrap this disaster up. Boyfriend though, was still clueless enough to ask her if she wanted to continue to hang. He was oblivious to zero chemistry, no common interests, and was entirely unaware of his own narcissism. “A” said thanks for the date as she got up to leave; yet he asked for a second date! I guess reading social cues truly is a skill. Feeling sorry for him, she mumbled something non-committal under her breath.

FYI, this whole date lasted less than 45 minutes.

The next day the poor fool sends this text:


“A” gives the most bangin’ response ever. I could probably write a whole other post on his text alone, but I’ll try and keep it short for now. He actually ADMITS that “I’ve been going out a lot lately.” I don’t know how you interpret that, but to me that implies you have been going out on many dates lately. Even if you are dating many other girls, we don’t want to know about it! Such a turn off. The part about the fair chance? Well, when you center the conversation around yourself, it’s difficult to believe you actually care and that you want to get to know us. You have to feel kinda bad for the poor guy. He obviously really liked “A”, but there was just no way there was any potential between them.

What makes some guys so clueless? How can some not sense there is no chemistry?  It’s hard not to kick yourself for taking a chance and regret you didn’t screen your blind date harder. Honestly, even though this date was kind of a fail, I’m still super proud of “A” for being brave and putting herself out there. You also gotta give the girl props for being mature and rejecting him like an adult, straightforward and direct, even if it is in the most hilarious way possible and over text.

I still believe the more you go out and take risks, the more you will learn about yourself. And hey, you might even get a ridiculous and entertaining story out of it that you can tell your grand kids some day.

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